Having reached that day that marks 30 -the big 30 – and lived passed it, I am looking at parts of my life and experiences to see how they are different and what are some of the things I learned along the way. There are also things that I’m realizing that I wish someone had told me or that I had figured out before. So, how does it feel to be over the big 30? Ahh, was I to feel differently? I don’t physically feel older. Sometimes I forget my age when I need to write it somewhere or say it aloud so I have to think for a second or two.
I am aware though that there are some things I’m expected to do or be simply because my age changed. For instance, I’ve had to do additional tests for the annual mandatory medical check for work. In the time I was around family or that I talked with people I used to know and even here with some people who felt comfortable enough I’ve gotten either the questions or semi-rebuke and lecture. I hear it otherwise too because it seems more people are speaking up about career versus family and biological clock being real. The last time was this week when I saw a video of three women talking about how society views them and the pressures they and women like them have faced. Then there was Michelle Obama revealing bits about her book that’s out of this week, and mentioning that she had fertility issues and that biological clock is real. Thankfully though, while I understand a little about these issues I am not constantly around those who would add pressure and I don’t pressure myself about it even in my lowest moments. I do wonder if I’m making the right decisions and if I’m “giving away my time” so to speak but God only knows and I am not going to stress over it.
Another thing I am not stressing over, or rather I don’t want to stress over, is that after this 30 I still don’t have a clear path for my life. Can I add an exclamation mark? Sure, I have a great job now thankfully. The pay and benefits are low but enough to get by on along with using some of my savings and prayers to stay calm and sane. From just that you can guess that as much as I like my job I’m not going to be staying here very long. I am in the process of seeing what’s out there and have identified a few areas I could see myself in. The issues with them is either that I am lacking in language competence currently or don’t know if I can pass requirements physically. Slowly I’m inching my way to improved confidence though I have done nothing in the physical ability department and don’t even exercise. I guess you figured out that yes, I wish I had known that even after the big 30 I do not know what I am to do with my career. Some days I feel that I am hiding from my potential and some days I wonder if I’m good enough or have what it takes. Am I being a fraud?
I’ve also realized some other people don’t know about their path either. But I wish someone had reminded me that people are just people!! Here I was thinking those who got to the big 30 before me were going to be mature and know what to do or say. A recent experience served as cold sobering water for me. Now I try to keep in mind that although the next person may have on an expensive looking suit that fits well and a job title or even beautiful hair, smooth clean skin or is well made-up doesn’t mean this person knows how to act or respond always. Our age does not mean we have graduated from making mistakes, acting awkwardly, or just being blank in certain situations. It does not mean we no longer have temper tantrums, unrealistic expectations of others, fears and concerns, insecurities and flaws. Similarly, it does not mean we’ve graduated from needing advice, guidance, a comfort blanket for those moments when our superhuman cape don’t fit right or that we don’t need hugs or to just put our heads in mommy’s lap or on daddy’s shoulders like we’re five again.
If you knew me, you would likely be asking when I actually did that. No, I may not have the experience of mommy’s lap or daddy’s shoulder but sometimes I feel like I would feel better with it. I have often heard Joyce Meyer say God can, in different ways, give you what you missed out on in childhood. So hugs from loving parents may not have been in my experience box but that’s fine. Funny how I think about that in this way now that I’ve passed 30. While this other part is not funny it is something I’ve noticed. My friends list stands at about 2 to 3 people. Interpret that which ever way you want. My concern is how many people am I being a friend to at this age. Sure, I’ve been called friend and told about how good a friend I have been and I am, but in my mind I have to settle for myself how true and consistent I am being as a friend. How can I improve?
Well, that’s been a glimpse into my life and my world after 30. How has it been for you? Could you relate to anything I’ve shared? Comment and tell me about how you balance life after 30. Until I see you next time, let’s do our best to live life well how ever close to 30 we are.
Let’s talk life. 