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There was a time when I used to see myself standing in a field of wild flowers, some towering above me. In those fields the flowers were a light pink like cotton candy. Now I think on it, I wonder if some were not also white. Their slender stems rose above my head reaching for the puffy white clouds dotting the clear blue sky. I was never lost in that field. It was my happy place. Maybe one day I’ll actually see a field like that.

There was also a time I saw myself walking in a daze across a green field towards the cliffs. Always it would be the same. A daze, being caught up in a thick mist coming from behind me and rolling towards the cliffs. Sometimes it would carry me to the very edge overlooking the water below crashing on the rocks. It has held me in suspension at the very edge and I’ve seen myself leaning over as if falling. In all the time I used to see that version of myself I’ve seen me fall, only unable to control what was happening or prevent it in any way.

I know where I’ve been even if only in my mind. I’ve chosen to live consciously, in the light. I’ve chosen to be a light because I’ve glimpsed the alternative from a far; because the Light gives life and I want to live; because my purpose is to shine HIS light and help others; and because I have hope I can share. I know how the story ends and that I’m safe with HIM. While I’m here I wait, I live, and I avail myself so HE can use me for HIS glory. I’m awake.

Today I saw me. I wrote, read a Scripture and I prayed. I got stronger. I became calm again. HE’s got me. All will be well. All is well. I wait.