Category: Uncategorized

Holiday Plans

Well, it’s just a few days before Christmas. For the first time in five years it seem I’ll be without a white one but forecasts can change. So can plans! I’d finished summer thankful that I had a job and was looking forward a bit to a little traveling and exploring. It was all getting laid out in my mind: destination, duration, flight costs, possible safety measures, goals for going there, foods I wanted to try, ideas of where to stay and where I’d want to visit, almost everything. And then I realized, current projections were indicating it would be best to stay closer to home. In fact, it may be better not to leave the general area.

I won’t sit here under my blanket beside the heater and write that that did not hurt. For a moment back there, I even tried to bargain with myself. You know it’s the holidays and they don’t really celebrate them here. You know it’s good to broaden your horizon and you’ve wanted to travel and see different places and experience different cultures. Well, you’ve got some savings from before, why not just think on it and see, you know, because you’ve worked hard for it so … maybe. No! I can and I could but I won’t.

So those plans got cancelled and I’ve decided to stay home. No decorations but I’ll try to make the day bright. Yesterday evening I paid all my bills and did some grocery shopping, thank God. I’ve gotten over my plans and have been living with a healthier attitude. In fact, I even did some exercises this morning – well, just a few minutes, but it’s a start. Sure, I did snack a little but it was healthy. And I even relaxed and watched a Joyce Meyer message and then, just now, a Perry Mason movie. See, I’m fine and doing well. Christmas will be here soon and that too will be fine. And, in a few months when I likely will need that savings I’ll have it to draw on.

All’s well that ends well, right. And it isn’t always so much about the destination. It’s about the journey to get there. So Merry Christmas everyone and share a smile, meal, or kind word with someone else. Take care of yourselves. Live well. You’ll thank yourself later for it.

Signed: Thankful

The morning I decided on the topic was the morning I ended up being late for work. It was only by a few minutes and I’d called in to let them know what was happening and that I would not be on time. Yet in the moment, as I waited for the lights to turn green, I found that not only was I sensing a bad attitude coming on but I was also being ungrateful. I actually said aloud, “God you’re messing with my plans”. After I got to work, apologized for being late, got told it was fine especially because I had notified them in advance, I noticed I still felt so badly and had to talk myself in to looking on the bright side.

That day turned out wonderfully well. Nevertheless, I thought I should stop and think about my attitude and what I could have done differently. I have decided to stick with my “Signed:Thankful” topic and find some things I can be thankful about. Thanksgiving was a few weeks ago so perhaps many people already did their reflections and have moved on to decorations. For me though, I am thankful today for safety, a job where I can positively impact lives, happiness, joy, my smile, good health, that I can pay my bills, independence, my family, and that God loves me. I am thankful for progress and that I am learning and growing. I am thankful that while I have not yet achieved all the things I want in life, I am not living with regrets.

I am thankful for so many other things too, like simple things: I can swallow, I no longer have a cold, I have started working on some of my goals again, and for today, I am not concerned about what this winter will be like. It’s not that life has somehow become so much better for me based on how society looks at life. Rather, it is that I am no longer so concerned and secretly worried about the future that I fail to see the beauty of each day. I still fall off my good train sometimes, and I still spend hours trying to research what I can do with my future, but in my mind somewhere is the assurance that it will all work out.

I have realized that the opportunities I have today and how I use them can impact my future. For instance, years ago, I had an opportunity to learn a second language. I have not mastered the language or come anywhere near fluency but I have seen how the experience of this learning has helped me in the way I relate to and assist others who are learning a foreign language. So now, I am looking out for opportunities and trying to use them wisely since I do not know how they will impact my life in the future. It is all part of living in the present moment rather than living in the future while neglecting the present. Do you see now why I can be thankful for growth and the little things? How about you, what are some things you are thankful for?

Dear Parents

Dear Parents, hello!

How are you doing? Let’s talk for a minute. I know many of you are doing the best that you can and even shake your head at those parents who have shown time and again that they are too irresponsible to be parenting. Allow me to ask you this: what kind of parent are you? No, don’t answer as yet or think I’m being rude. I do have a point. Hear me out, please.

I’ve seen and heard of parents who talk about strict upbringing where their own parents/guardians were poor and how difficult life was for them. Usually, these parents themselves end up parenting on one side of the extreme. By this I mean that either they become the “always working” parents or the “count it” parents. Sure, there is a middle ground of parents who have found themselves building life on the balancing needle of the extremes, but right now they are not the focus.

So which parent are you? Are you the “always working” parent trying to ensure your children “will never have to” go through struggles like you did growing up? If so, are you also providing all their wants, in addition to their needs and doing everything for your children to the point where they have no home skills? What would they do on the day you have a cold and can hardly make it out of bed? Or do you still drag yourself out of bed sick and all to ensure a smooth running household? Could your children survive the day if you, for whatever reason, failed to wear your super-parent cape and rush in to the rescue? Is this you?

Well, if not, then are you the “count it” parent who cannot even give your child a present without informing him or her that it cost $2.99 (insert the value) at Walmart (insert store name)? You see, while you are counting it all up and thinking you’re teaching your child to value what he or she has, you may be fueling his or her wish to grow up and ensure that they never have to look too carefully at prices. There might also be the wish to work hard so that their child never has to endure what they went through or even to be like you.

You think I’m being too harsh? Don’t walk away. I’m not playing a blame game or just being a critic. I’m here asking you to think about what you are doing while you are here giving parenting your best. You see, one day your children will grow up and be adults themselves. Will they have to be dependent on others to wash, cook and clean for them because they don’t know the first thing about even boiling water because you always did everything for them? (Think on the fact that one day they may be parents too or spouses and will need to help in the house or teach these skills – that they never learned – to their children.) Or are your children going to have these home skills but be bitter towards you for not providing an enjoyable childhood with lots of opportunities?

Go ahead. Ask me if I’m even a parent. Do I need to be one to have this conversation with you? Does your dentist need to be a recipient of tooth fillings before he should be allowed to conduct this procedure on others? My point is that, what you are doing in the way you are parenting will not only affect your children but will impact those they have relationships with and their own brand of parenting also. You know how your experiences affected your life so stop a minute and think of the impact your side of the extreme will have on your children.

Signed,

A Concerned Observer

P.s., we can talk more about this if you’d like.

Facing the Unknown

The unknown for me has a name: winter. I see signs of it around on the mountaintops. I feel its cold claws taking over and fighting against the warmth from my layers and heater. It sometimes cramps my ears and makes a mockery of my moisturizer. It does all this yet delays its arrival while destroying the last bits of autumn I’ve been holding on.

This is by no means my first experience of winter. To be clear, I actually like the snow (most days) but not the cold. Think of it. You’re snuggled up beside the heater drinking cocoa while looking out the window at the beautiful flakes dancing as they gently come falling to the ground already covered in dazzling white. See, that’s the image I used to get of winter when I lived in my tropical home country. Having lived through five winters, inclusive of a few ‘mild’ blizzards, I still have my rose colored view but not on most days. So why am I saying this winter is unknown?

During this last summer I moved closer to the city. It has been a different experience from living in the beautiful green mountains where every season came in abundance. Spring had lots of new leaves and flowering plants of all colors and wonderful smells. Summer had its blazing heat and long days made even more wonderful because of festivals and fireworks. Autumn had so many colors it was like living in a never-ending painting, and the fruits were so delicious. Winter came early and the snow was usually piled high on the ground. And I lived close to work.

This will be my first winter here near the city. The commute is much longer and there sometimes is a bit of delays. I’ve heard that there will not be as much snow as my in mountain home but I’ve been thinking my commute time will be longer. I’m also wondering about the level of heat that will be needed in my house and about shoveling snow. Then there is also the small matter of Christmas and what to do with it. Until the unknown becomes known, I’ll be facing life and living strong. Best wishes to anyone else facing an unknown.

Are others passing me by?

person standing on top of rock
Photo by Suliman Sallehi on Pexels.com

When I was younger I would think of what I wanted to be. I never really gotten  it figured out. Well, more accurately, I’ve never been able to narrow it down to any one thing. I’ve wanted to be a flight attendant, firefighter, nurse, work in agriculture or something to do with the environment, teach, and counsel others. One thing has always been true: I’ve always wanted to give back and help others.

I’ve not gotten to be half of the things I’ve wanted but I can put a check mark beside a few. What has not turned into a career has been tried in voluntary service or life experiences. There is still so much that I want to get involved with though. As I think about that, I’m wondering when that will all happen. I’ve seen other people, including some that are younger than me, who are full of life and out there doing things. Social media is filled with examples. For some of them, life seems wonderful and just a dream. Is life passing me by?

If you’ve ever been there and wondered the same thing even just for a second, let me help you. Stop! It’s not helpful for us to compare ourselves with others in that way. We each were born with our own purpose that only we can fulfill. We have our own lanes in life. You cannot be me and I cannot be you. I cannot walk in your shoes no matter how hard I try. You are special just the way you are and if you don’t like you then you can do something about it so you can become the ideal self you’ve envisioned.

So yes, it may look like others are jetting off to volunteer in some beautiful corner of the earth and helping fulfill a need. It may look like others are able to afford the house and the car and a vacation. True. But I don’t know what their lives really are like. I don’t know how they feel about themselves and their accomplishments. I have no idea what their struggles have been or that they are not even looking at my life and thinking it may not be glamorous but it’s definitely stable-looking and peaceful. I’ve worked hard for what I’ve got and made the choices I’ve thought were best. This is my life. What you have is your life. It’s not a race or even dress rehearsal. It’s the real deal. So let’s be thankful for what we have and what we can make it to be. Others are not passing us by. They’re just living their lives.

Life After 30 and what I wish I knew before

Having reached that day that marks 30 -the big 30 – and lived passed it, I am looking at parts of my life and experiences to see how they are different and what are some of the things I learned along the way.  There are also things that I’m realizing that I wish someone had told me or that I had figured out before. So, how does it feel to be over the big 30? Ahh, was I to feel differently? I don’t physically feel older.  Sometimes I forget my age when I need to write it somewhere or say it aloud so I have to think for a second or two.

I am aware though that there are some things I’m expected to do or be simply because my age changed. For instance, I’ve had to do additional tests for the annual mandatory medical check for work. In the time I was around family or that I talked with people I used to know and even here with some people who felt comfortable enough I’ve gotten either the questions or semi-rebuke and lecture.  I hear it otherwise too because it seems more people are speaking up about career versus family and biological clock being real. The last time was this week when I saw a video of three women talking about how society views them and the pressures they and women like them have faced. Then there was Michelle Obama revealing bits about her book that’s out of this week, and mentioning that she had fertility issues and that biological clock is real.  Thankfully though, while I understand a little about these issues I am not constantly around those who would add pressure and I don’t pressure myself about it even in my lowest moments. I do wonder if I’m making the right decisions and if I’m “giving away my time” so to speak but God only knows and I am not going to stress over it.

Another thing I am not stressing over, or rather I don’t want to stress over, is that after this 30 I still don’t have a clear path for my life. Can I add an exclamation mark? Sure, I have a great job now thankfully. The pay and benefits are low but enough to get by on along with using some of my savings and prayers to stay calm and sane. From just that you can guess that as much as I like my job I’m not going to be staying here very long.  I am in the process of seeing what’s out there and have identified a few areas I could see myself in. The issues with them is either that I am lacking in language competence currently or don’t know if I can pass requirements physically. Slowly I’m inching my way to improved confidence though I have done nothing in the physical ability department and don’t even exercise. I guess you figured out that yes, I wish I had known that even after the big 30 I do not know what I am to do with my career. Some days I feel that I am hiding from my potential and some days I wonder if I’m good enough or have what it takes. Am I being a fraud?

I’ve also realized some other people don’t know about their path either. But I wish someone had reminded me that people are just people!! Here I was thinking those who got to the big 30 before me were going to be mature and know what to do or say. A recent experience served as cold sobering water for me. Now I try to keep in mind that although the next person may have on an expensive looking suit that fits well and a job title or even beautiful hair, smooth clean skin or is well made-up doesn’t mean this person knows how to act or respond always. Our age does not mean we have graduated  from making mistakes, acting awkwardly, or just being blank in certain situations. It does not mean we no longer have temper tantrums, unrealistic expectations of others, fears and concerns, insecurities and flaws. Similarly, it does not mean we’ve graduated from needing advice, guidance, a comfort blanket for those moments when our superhuman cape don’t fit right or that we don’t need hugs or to just put our heads in mommy’s lap or on daddy’s shoulders like we’re five again.

If you knew me, you would likely be asking when I actually did that. No, I may not have the experience of mommy’s lap or daddy’s shoulder but sometimes I feel like I would feel better with it.  I have often heard Joyce Meyer say God can, in different ways, give you what you missed out on in childhood. So hugs from loving parents may not have been in my experience box but that’s fine. Funny how I think about that in this way now that I’ve passed 30. While this other part is not funny it is something I’ve noticed.  My friends list stands at about 2 to 3 people. Interpret that which ever way you want. My concern is how many people am I being a friend to at this age. Sure, I’ve been called friend and told about how good a friend I have been and I am, but in my mind I have to settle for myself how true and consistent I am being as a friend. How can I improve?

Well, that’s been a glimpse into my life and my world after 30. How has it been for you? Could you relate to anything I’ve shared?  Comment and tell me about how you balance life after 30. Until I see you next time, let’s do our best to live life well how ever close to 30 we are.