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There was a time when I used to see myself standing in a field of wild flowers, some towering above me. In those fields the flowers were a light pink like cotton candy. Now I think on it, I wonder if some were not also white. Their slender stems rose above my head reaching for the puffy white clouds dotting the clear blue sky. I was never lost in that field. It was my happy place. Maybe one day I’ll actually see a field like that.

There was also a time I saw myself walking in a daze across a green field towards the cliffs. Always it would be the same. A daze, being caught up in a thick mist coming from behind me and rolling towards the cliffs. Sometimes it would carry me to the very edge overlooking the water below crashing on the rocks. It has held me in suspension at the very edge and I’ve seen myself leaning over as if falling. In all the time I used to see that version of myself I’ve seen me fall, only unable to control what was happening or prevent it in any way.

I know where I’ve been even if only in my mind. I’ve chosen to live consciously, in the light. I’ve chosen to be a light because I’ve glimpsed the alternative from a far; because the Light gives life and I want to live; because my purpose is to shine HIS light and help others; and because I have hope I can share. I know how the story ends and that I’m safe with HIM. While I’m here I wait, I live, and I avail myself so HE can use me for HIS glory. I’m awake.

Today I saw me. I wrote, read a Scripture and I prayed. I got stronger. I became calm again. HE’s got me. All will be well. All is well. I wait.

An Angel Without Wings

In a Christmas movie I saw recently, an neighbor and friend told the little girl that on earth, Angels wear their wings inside. Whether this is true or not I honestly don’t know. What I know is that there are times when we are told by a voice inside to do something, say something to someone or simply be somewhere at a particular time. If we obey, then we can be sure things will work out well even if we don’t always understand.

Over the weekend I decided to do something spur of the moment: downsize by two items. I had not thought of it before and had never done it before so I went online to read. Having acquired some information, I got my items and headed to the store. Surprisingly I believe I was very calm until I got there so I took a few seconds to look around before I caught the eyes of a staff member and went over. I was in the process of using my best language skills, and even a translation app, to explain what I intended to do but I could see how things were already not going well. Then, an Angel came by.

I did not ask her name or anything about her nor did I offer any information about myself. She translated well for me and waited around until the entire process, which took about twenty minutes, was complete. Since I only smiled and thanked her a few times rather than taking a minute to ask about her, I don’t know how she came to be there at that time or why she took time to learn English. Whatever was her motivation to learn and why ever she came to the store at exactly that time, I’m grateful.

It’s not that I couldn’t understand the store staff but rather that I was struggling to respond but my Angel made everything so much easier by being there. I’ve had other Angels turn up for me in my life. Sometimes I don’t recognize the blessing they help provide until the moment has passed. I am thankful to God for providing his Angels on earth to help me. I wonder if one day I too can be an angel to someone else in need. Until then, I’ll keep learning to live my best life and to recognize the everyday Angels I meet.

Winter Skies

There is something about the winter sky that commands my attention. Actually, I honestly enjoy spending a few minutes or seconds sometimes to look at and admire the sky throughout the year. There’s something so wonderful about the changes at both dawn and around sunset. The blues, oranges, pinks, and even grey seem to paint their mesmerizing colors on the clouds as they dance across the sky before they change right before my eyes.

It’s all fascinating to me but there’s something interesting about the winter sky though I’ve not yet been able to think of why it seems so different. Maybe it’s because the mountains are all covered in a white robe and I can see the shapes of them without their leafy green tree coverings. Perhaps it’s that I’m farther from the equator and I feel closer to the sky . Whatever it is, I enjoy looking out my window and looking up.

It’s a bit strange now to look back and think how uneasy I had been about this winter before it began. Sure, I was facing the unknown since this is my first winter in this particular location but I should not have given it so much thought. I have complained (sorry Lord) about the slower commute but I didn’t go into negative thoughts or turn to worrying over winter. I did say – a few times too many perhaps – that I didn’t know what to expect. But, in the end I simply prayed and stepped on to the path that was unknown and kept moving forward until it became known.

I guess in a sense winter has reminded me that there is a time to stop and make sure I strip away anything that would cause me not to be my true self or that would hinder me from reaching my full potential. It also invites me to rest for a while, to feed myself and take care of my ‘me’ so that when the spring arrives I can emerge like new leaves. I will be ready to give and grow and share my beauty, flowers and shade with others. After all, we can’t give from empty vessels. There has to be a time to refill and that’s what winter is or can be. Thanks for reading.

Signed: Thankful

The morning I decided on the topic was the morning I ended up being late for work. It was only by a few minutes and I’d called in to let them know what was happening and that I would not be on time. Yet in the moment, as I waited for the lights to turn green, I found that not only was I sensing a bad attitude coming on but I was also being ungrateful. I actually said aloud, “God you’re messing with my plans”. After I got to work, apologized for being late, got told it was fine especially because I had notified them in advance, I noticed I still felt so badly and had to talk myself in to looking on the bright side.

That day turned out wonderfully well. Nevertheless, I thought I should stop and think about my attitude and what I could have done differently. I have decided to stick with my “Signed:Thankful” topic and find some things I can be thankful about. Thanksgiving was a few weeks ago so perhaps many people already did their reflections and have moved on to decorations. For me though, I am thankful today for safety, a job where I can positively impact lives, happiness, joy, my smile, good health, that I can pay my bills, independence, my family, and that God loves me. I am thankful for progress and that I am learning and growing. I am thankful that while I have not yet achieved all the things I want in life, I am not living with regrets.

I am thankful for so many other things too, like simple things: I can swallow, I no longer have a cold, I have started working on some of my goals again, and for today, I am not concerned about what this winter will be like. It’s not that life has somehow become so much better for me based on how society looks at life. Rather, it is that I am no longer so concerned and secretly worried about the future that I fail to see the beauty of each day. I still fall off my good train sometimes, and I still spend hours trying to research what I can do with my future, but in my mind somewhere is the assurance that it will all work out.

I have realized that the opportunities I have today and how I use them can impact my future. For instance, years ago, I had an opportunity to learn a second language. I have not mastered the language or come anywhere near fluency but I have seen how the experience of this learning has helped me in the way I relate to and assist others who are learning a foreign language. So now, I am looking out for opportunities and trying to use them wisely since I do not know how they will impact my life in the future. It is all part of living in the present moment rather than living in the future while neglecting the present. Do you see now why I can be thankful for growth and the little things? How about you, what are some things you are thankful for?