Processing

Life as I know it, as I’ve known it, has been changing. I don’t yet understand it or know how much it will change or the version of me that will emerge. With every day that dawns I try to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. It’s the only way I know to walk so I keep walking. I know I’m not alone because I see the evidence of God being with me. I know in my heart that I can trust him never to leave me even for a minute.

As the snow on the ground around me melts, the young green leaves emerge on the still naked trees, and as little flowers shoot up from the soil that once covered them, I am reminded that there are lessons I can take away. Winter was the time to pause, be still and quiet so I could rest and get energy to become whole and new again. It was the time to learn more about me so that with the spring I could emerge true, reflecting more of my Father and who he created me to be. It was so I could be like beautiful flowers that give joy to others.

Truthfully though, winter saw me changing jobs and homes, hiding from the light then blinking somewhat uncomfortably in its dazzling brilliance. I know I was made for more but some days I think I’m taking an extra long route, delaying that specific goal or step to take me there. Sometimes I think I’m on the right path and well, other times, I just keep walking. Basically I’m not sure I made the best of my winter and now with spring finally here after the delay, I’m aware it will soon be time for summer. That is the season of tests. Fruits will need to be produced, the heavy rains withstood, droughts and scorching winds endured, and comments on the size and abundance of the fruits produced patiently taken.

But then, the long days of summer fade and the cool, overcast and gloomy autumn takes over. Sure the leaves are beautiful but it’s the season to remember to let go yet hold on. Let go of the things, attitudes and people who need to go. They, like the beautiful leaves, were never meant to stay. Yet hold on. Hold on to the truths of who you are and have become. Hold on to the dreams that fire your bones, the memories that have built you, and the faith and hope that you’re not alone because God is with you. So although the beautiful leaves fall off and are blown away, the roots hold strong and the branches display their beautiful emptiness, safely fighting on until the spring returns.

That’s why I know I’ll be fine. In a sense I’m a caterpillar now. I seem to have wings inside me but there’s a necessary process that is taking place. I may not understand it, but I’m trusting that I’m growing and that when the time is right, I’ll emerge true and pure. Processing.