For you

Misty morning

Flowers with dew

Hidden birds calling

Walking slowly to you

Dark night

Roads, holes with water

Staying awake is a fight

Roaring camp fire and laughter

Midday white

Powder piled high

Mittens and boots fit just right

Hot cocoa, down with a sigh

Cool winds

Colours on trees with a splash

Birds on branches flap their wings

Leaves descend without a crash

You were here

You went away

To me, you are a Dear

Still much to say

Growing stronger

Learning more each day

Wishing you were here longer

For wisdom and peace I pray

Happy birthday Grandma

For anyone who may read this and who may be dealing with the loss of a loved one, please know you’re not alone. You can still have hope and joy in your life. These things don’t fade. You can still have them and try each day to live your best life, to be the best version of yourself. Don’t beat on yourself for not being there, for starting to forget what your loved one looked like, or for anything else you’re beating on yourself for. Today is a beautiful day even if you can’t see it. Grieve. Go through your process the best way you know how. Whatever you do, don’t neglect yourself. You are here for a reason. Be thankful, show gratitude, love yourself, and be your best you.

Learning from others and my advice to you

All around us each day people are busy working away. There are dreams to be fulfilled, money to be made for the bills and general living or for retirement. We see social media or the tv showing us the “good life” and the things that make it seem we’ve arrived, we’ve made it (wherever and whatever that means to you). There are endless videos of young people trekking off around the world, or others living lives we can only admire from afar since our budgets and circumstances or future plans would not allow us following suit. At the end of the long work day, we get to go home, do more work before crawling tired in to bed to get up next morning to the same things.

I’m sure I’ve made that sound badly and like two different worlds. My life as it is right now is fine. Yes, there are some things I’m hoping will be different and better so I’m working on them – little by little and staying motivated. So what am I on about then? I’ve recently been talking with others and hearing about plans for the future, present circumstances, and missed opportunities in the past.

Planning for the future is great! Be as realistic as possible but still dream big. Today your situation may look one way causing you to think about the future through a particular set of lenses but remember never to doubt yourself. The energy you project into your day, your future or your relationships is important and impacts what you receive. Whether you believe in God, the Universe, Love or whatever name you call your higher power, know that you are loved, special, and there are great plans for your life.

In my talks recently, missed opportunities was a big topic. I too have had this conversation- with myself. I then wrote out some of the opportunities that came my way that I did not make full or good use of over the course of my life. In psychology they explain that this evaluation of life happens in the older years and that if life was happy and well spent then people are happy to continue on and share their wisdom with others. If the opposite happened then they are likely to experience despair.

The fact that this evaluation of life is happening at younger ages is amazing to me. We are still in the stages of life where jobs can be changed, new or further studies undertaken, countries changed, or relationships fostered. Sure, the resources to make the necessary changes may not all be available and dreams may have to go on hold, but my point is that changes can still be made. An older person I spoke with explained that one of the challenges associated with the desire to change right now is age. There is a whole process when you are over a certain age and close to retirement.

My advice to everyone (I’m aware you didn’t ask, but here goes anyway) is to have a sit down with yourself. Divide a sheet of paper into four or use four sheets. Write out the plans for the future, present situation including things you think are positive and negative, missed opportunities of the past, and finally, which opportunities you wish you had or could have again. From the present, pause and be thankful for all you have. The good things will make you better and the negative things can be learned from. Express gratitude for the opportunities you’ve had regardless of how they were used. Then connect your future list and the opportunities hoped for lists. Write out small steps you can take to revisit and achieve or fulfill those things.

Be patient with yourself. And be kind. It’s a process! My friend once told me, had someone asked you to give or do something for them you would, so think about yourself and do the same. Lisa Nichols shared recently in her video How to Not Lose One’s Self in Relationships, that people will only love you to the degree that they love themselves. So then, best wishes on your journey and talk with you soon.

Dear Future Me, …

It’s April 26th, 2019. I hope you’re doing well as you read this, not just well as in your physical health, but also your spiritual and emotional health. If you’re not well in all those areas then girl, no shame or judgment here, but take a break and work on you. It’s important that you’re doing fine and not just “ok”. We’ve talked about this already so you know my stance on “ok”. I also hope you’ve grown much more and have learned about who you truly are.

Future Me, are you all right? Have you decided what whole looks like? Have you found some examples of whole you can learn from? I really hope so. If not, then at least I hope you’ve continued to read and watch videos that are motivational and that can help you be your best you. Tell me girl, what does your life look like now. How does it compare to the day I wrote this? Are you still procrastinating? I know you can work under pressure and produce really good results comparable to or even better than had you done the tasks ahead of time. But you know that the goal is to see if you can keep your joy since apparently procrastination steals joy.

Me, I hope you’re doing well in your job and have been learning to maintain that stability you were after. How are your savings looking and what about your financial management skills? Lisa Nichols was saying making money is different from keeping it and growing it. Something like that but in essence it was that you need different skills for each part. Let me ask you this while we’re talking money, how are your hands? Have you been helping others? When was the last time you did something special for yourself?

Me, do you remember how you wanted to travel a bit? Have you? I know you’ve been putting a few things off because you were thinking it’d be better to go or do them with someone else. True, some trips and other things are more enjoyable with others than solo but please don’t deprive yourself of the chances and opportunities simply out of fear. You are brave, talented, beautiful and loved. Sure you’re different and you do silly things sometimes and shy away from certain opportunities but I know you have a good heart and you do make an effort.

I’m proud of you girl. I’m happy for who you are today as you reflect a bit on your life and who you have become when you next read this. Girl, you’ve known for a while that you’re special and was made for greatness. Lisa Nichols reminded you of that today. You are blessed. God has great plans for your life so stop second guessing yourself. Please remember to forgive yourself for each time you fail to be your true you, engaged in self-sabotage, do something stupid, or simply miss the mark. Remember it’s not so much about what others think of you but more about what you think of you, what God thinks of you. He has great thoughts about you. You’re not a mistake or a surprise to Him. You’re His special little girl.

Continue to pray and seek God and let Him lead you. Baby girl, trust the process. Don’t hide from your purpose. I know I don’t say it a lot because I still have to work on it, but baby girl, I love you, always have and always will. Take care of yourself. Enjoy the adventures of life. Don’t shy away because the road looks scary. Mistakes are fine so long as that’s what they were. Live a little, laugh a lot, learn the lessons, share the blessings, find your you.

Later Chile

Learning as I go

In the last few weeks I have not written anything here. In a sense, it has been on purpose. During this time I’ve made a few speeches and written a few farewells but beyond that, outside of my personal journal, I’ve not written. I usually write to express myself and talk about what’s happening so I don’t keep things bottled inside. Talking or writing also helps me better examine things and see parts I’d not have noticed otherwise. I also write to share knowledge and ideas, and because I like talking/writing sometimes.

In the two weeks I neglected to write here, I’ve had to deal with my thoughts. I know not everything is good to be said even if they are thought and not every thought is worth considering. Hence, I’ve kept to myself while I deal with things my way. Some of those discarded thoughts were on various little things and annoyances that happened and my mind raced off thinking of how I would put them all on paper. Writing would have been a good way to process and move on but in cases like those thinking of writing and the words I’d use was usually enough.

Rather than expend energy on certain things I prefer to see the humor and lessons in them. If I quit complaining a bit and examine logically and truthfully my experiences then many times I can see where I went wrong, that some things are not worth pursuing, and the value of waiting or being quite a bit. Also, I can see the interesting things I can learn from and about the people around me. Many times I may wonder about certain things or people but keep my concern to myself, which can be good, but not always. Think on it, what’s a smile if it’s not shared; why discard valuable things when your friend could benefit if you spoke to each other.

So I’m learning. I don’t always get it right but I’m trying. Just like people tend to advise not to post things for the sake of posting but be considerate, I’m telling myself the same thing with writing. After all, what I write can hurt or harm and I have to be careful of my motives. Pushing the “post” button from a place of anonymity is easy but I still have to live with myself and be responsible for what I put out there. So, until I next write, I’ll be here learning to live wisely and find the humor and lessons in life’s everyday experiences.

Going to live abroad? – Before you do…

Recently, I wrote about some job opportunities abroad. Whether you read my post or you found information elsewhere and will be going to work or even study abroad, preparation is key. While I can understand the feelings of nervous excitement about such an undertaking and all the benefits of independence, self-growth and adventure, I urge you to pause a bit. During this pause, I would like to share some of my ideas on things I believe are important when living abroad that should be worked on before setting out.

I have often mentioned research. Today, I’m saying research the culture. Find out what percentage of the population share the same religion and ethnicity as you and if you’ll be able to find churches (places of worship in your religion) or people that look like you in your new city. It’s important to have ideas of how you will be able to maintain your spiritual health when away from your own culture and usual setting. Similarly, think about whether you will be comfortable being the only one in your new town that looks like you. If there are not many people in your city or town from your part of the world, depending on where you are, here are some things to consider.

Can you make your favorite meals? Will the necessary ingredients or good substitutes be easy to find at reasonable prices? Chances are you’ll have no problem if the cultures are similar, if there are many people from your culture living there, or if your country is close in proximity or ties to where you’re going. If you have doubts at all or if you aren’t familiar with the kitchen, please learn to cook at least three easy dishes before you leave home. Having your favorite meals can help when you start missing home.

Another thing, but which is only applicable to some people, surrounds the matter of your hair. Yes, I’m being serious. Think about the products and brands you use at home. Will you be able to get these easily in your new country? If you’re into hair extensions, relaxers, weaves etc, depending on your new location, these may either be super expensive or nonexistent. Learning to do simple styles with your hair before you leave home may be a good idea. Consider also that lotions, moisturizers, shades of certain makeup products and other personal care products may not be readily available in your brands. Switching to those in your new country, online shopping or asking your family to send you things may be your options around this issue.

A further suggestion would be to check luggage restrictions and also prohibited items. Pack supplies to last about two or three months. This will allow time for you to explore and find either the same brands or similar ones. As for clothes and shoes, try not to take the whole wardrobe with you. After all, there’ll be stores where you’re going and you’ll acquire things while you’re there. Think about shipping certain items also. If you take certain medications make sure to pack both the supplies you have and your prescriptions. Don’t forget your documents and an empty lightweight bag – just in case you need to move around some of your luggage during transit.

All the best in your decision making. If you’re traveling through different airports, make sure you have the correct documents to transit and try to be on time for your flight. Have an open mind and don’t burn the bridges behind you.

Dear Parents

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Dear Parents, hello!

How are you doing? Let’s talk for a minute. I know many of you are doing the best that you can and even shake your head at those parents who have shown time and again that they are too irresponsible to be parenting. Allow me to ask you this: what kind of parent are you? No, don’t answer as yet or think I’m being rude. I do have a point. Hear me out, please.

I’ve seen and heard of parents who talk about strict upbringing where their own parents/guardians were poor and how difficult life was for them. Usually, these parents themselves end up parenting on one side of the extreme. By this I mean that either they become the “always working” parents or the “count it” parents. Sure, there is a middle ground of parents who have found themselves building life on the balancing needle of the extremes, but right now they are not the focus.

So which parent are you? Are you the “always working” parent trying to ensure your children “will never have to” go through struggles like you did growing up? If so, are you also providing all their wants, in addition to their needs and doing everything for your children to the point where they have no home skills? What would they do on the day you have a cold and can hardly make it out of bed? Or do you still drag yourself out of bed sick and all to ensure a smooth running household? Could your children survive the day if you, for whatever reason, failed to wear your super-parent cape and rush in to the rescue? Is this you?

Well, if not, then are you the “count it” parent who cannot even give your child a present without informing him or her that it cost $2.99 (insert the value) at Walmart (insert store name)? You see, while you are counting it all up and thinking you’re teaching your child to value what he or she has, you may be fueling his or her wish to grow up and ensure that they never have to look too carefully at prices. There might also be the wish to work hard so that their child never has to endure what they went through or even to be like you.

You think I’m being too harsh? Don’t walk away. I’m not playing a blame game or just being a critic. I’m here asking you to think about what you are doing while you are here giving parenting your best. You see, one day your children will grow up and be adults themselves. Will they have to be dependent on others to wash, cook and clean for them because they don’t know the first thing about even boiling water because you always did everything for them? (Think on the fact that one day they may be parents too or spouses and will need to help in the house or teach these skills – that they never learned – to their children.) Or are your children going to have these home skills but be bitter towards you for not providing an enjoyable childhood with lots of opportunities?

Go ahead. Ask me if I’m even a parent. Do I need to be one to have this conversation with you? Does your dentist need to be a recipient of tooth fillings before he should be allowed to conduct this procedure on others? My point is that, what you are doing in the way you are parenting will not only affect your children but will impact those they have relationships with and their own brand of parenting also. You know how your experiences affected your life so stop a minute and think of the impact your side of the extreme will have on your children.

Signed,

A Concerned Observer

P.s., we can talk more about this if you’d like.